Valentine's Day

Your mouth is painfully dry because you ingested 80mg Vyvanase ~4.5hrs earlier. You go into a Walgreen's to get a bottle of water and an energy drink to 'even you out', in anticipation of coming down from the Vyvanase in conjunction with smoking marijuana with Keelan at some point later in the night. Stand in the middle of the toys aisle. Your attention has been caught by an action figure of Zayn from One Direction, one of the two members that you can identify by name or face, along with Harry Styles. 'Action figure' is a misnomer, you think — it is really more like a small bobble head doll. Decide that you 'must' give this as a present to your girlfriend for Valentine's Day. Stare at the action figure for what feels like ~5min but is probably 30 seconds at most, feeling manic. The action figure seems 'impossibly hilarious' to you. You think 'it's perfect' to yourself three separate times. You imagine someone earnestly 'pitching' the action figure in the same style as a stereotypical 'pitch meeting' for a movie as you have seen portrayed in movies on television. 'The idea of someone being earnestly passionate about a ~4in bobblehead of a member oh One Direction seems sweet', you think. You try to decide if you should shoplift the action figure or purchase it ($4.39 plus tax). Notice that the action figure is on clearance twice over, and was originally priced at $9.99 plus tax. You feel completely neutral about this observation and think to yourself 'double clearance' in a flat tone. While staring at the action figure, realize that you have never heard your girlfriend speak on the subject of One Direction, and that you are not aware of any opinions she may or may not hold about them as a group, or about  Zayn in particular. Personally, you like ~3-4 One Direction songs casually, but earnestly and unironically, and you decide that if your girlfriend has any other opinion that it will be, at best, a mediocre gift, and that this would probably be the case even if her feelings towards One Direction were exactly the same as yours (as you suspect they are). You imagine giving her this and the two of you grinning about it briefly before it sits on a desk or shelf for ~10-12 months, being mentioned or interacted with ~1-2 times per month before it is lost, broken or thrown away. You realize this is the best case scenario. In a different, but plausible, scenario, your girlfriend will say 'oh, this is funny' in a neutral tone of voice with a blank facial expression while you grin weakly and it will never be mentioned again. You exhale deeply and leave, purchasing a 20oz bottle of Dasani bottled water and an 8oz sugarless Red Bull ($3). When you get outside the bus is already pulling up to the corner and the bus driver grins and says 'perfect timing' as you board.