TWO POEMS

my genitals smell like your genitals

i am sitting in a library

staring at the internet

the internet feels overwhelming

i feel severely depressed because of a buzzfeed list that i read this morning

i am looking at a list of whale life expectancies that lk shaw emailed me

whales usually live for about the same amount of time as humans

i wonder if whales ever feel afraid of being 23

i wonder if whales ever used to play "yu gi oh" or "magic the gathering"

i wonder if whales ever spend three days only eating pringles

i want to go to the beach

i want to take my shoes off 

and find sand in them hours later

i want to be coated in a thin layer of sand

i want to find it on your floor 

when i wake up in your room

your body still and warm

your face pushed so closely against mine that i can taste your breath, gently sour

your lips soft against my nose

your eyes gently blinking

someone told me chapstick is habit forming

woke up and walked to the grocery store and got two bananas, 

a yogurt and a bottle of water, which i put in my bag

i walked to a bookstore and emailed with sam
i refreshed my gmail aimlessly while waiting for him to respond

i read for a while and then made plans via text message with rachel 

to ingest drugs and accompany her to a sex shop the next day

she said she "needed some things" for "something she was working on" 

i felt slightly confused but i thought it sounded fun

i read some more and then paul texted me and said there was a girl he wanted me to meet

i asked if there was any vodka left, 

referring to a handle i had left at his house earlier that week

he said "a bit" and mentioned my getting more and i said "okay" 

i walked around lincoln park looking for a place to shoplift alcohol from, 

feeling vaguely jealous and dismissive of strangers 

i realized i had gone the whole day without speaking

i walked by a fenced off pathway overlooking the chicago river and i felt strange because i couldn't remember who i was with when we hopped the fence and drank cheap wine on a bench under a dim streetlight, watching the water rush by and letting the wine fall out of our mouths into our laps, sloppy and smiling

maybe i was alone