TWO POEMS

i am a ghost

on friday night i went to a party and i didn't know anyone

i stood in the kitchen and a man came up to me and said 'who are you?'

i said 'i am a ghost'

he laughed and looked nervous and walked away

i went to the balcony and poured myself a beer from the keg

a woman came up to me and said 'who are you?'

i said 'i am a ghost'

she stared at me blankly and shook her head

i stood in line for the bathroom

the man in front of me said 'hello'

'my name is a-woww and i am a karaoke artist'

i said 'hello'

'my name is jack and i am a ghost'

a-woww frowned and pretended to receive a text message

on saturday i went to the library

i saw a friend who i hadn't seen in a few weeks

my friend said 'what's going on with you? how are you?'

i said 'i have become a ghost. how are you?'

my friend looked anxious and said 'i am okay'

a man came up to me and said that he liked the book i was reading

we started talking and he said 'what do you do? what is your story?'

i said 'i am a ghost and my story is an age old tale'

then i excused myself and went to the bathroom

i went to a bar and a woman started flirting with me

she said 'i am a painter. what are you?

i said 'i am a ghost'

she said 'what do you mean, like casper? are you a friendly ghost?' 

she was grinning, drunk

i said 'i guess i am pretty friendly, for a ghost'

she laughed and said 'is there anyone that you are haunting?'

i didn't know what to say

she went into the bathroom to vomit and i read twitter for a while

then i left

on sunday i wanted to see you

and there you were, 

in the same coffee shop as me

i saw you, smiling, laughing

looking knowingly at him

you looked right through me

and i walked through the wall

selected thoughts while masturbating for 45 minutes, completely unaroused

imagining an essay called "masturbating as a religious experience", seems funny

i think about tweeting 

"imagining an essay called 'masturbating as a religious experience', seems funny"

i think about how funny it would be to tweet in the middle of masturbating

i think about how funny it would be to write a poem in the middle of masturbating

i think about how funny it is to masturbate while feeling sad, it is very funny

i feel troubled by the differences in what i want as a 28 year old and as a 38 year old

sometimes i feel like i want "domestic life"

pictures in frames, coats on hangers, rings on fingers

i think to myself "porn is a universal truth" and giggle

my penis is now completely flaccid

i realize i have faked over ten orgasms in my life, i feel disgusted

do i eat too much chicken?

it seems like chicken dominates my diet

i can't imagine befriending a celebrity chef

i want to know guy fieri's secrets

i want guy fieri to trust me enough to tell me his secrets

i wouldn't tell anyone, i don't think

feel vaguely concerned that i have a lower sex drive than when i was 16

i feel ~85% sure that i have a lower sex drive now

when i was 16 my girlfriend at the time and i had sex 7 times in one day

my girlfriend is starting to get upset because don't have sex enough

i like having sex, i want to have sex

i can't figure out any explanation for why we don't have sex very often

i was ~20min into the michelle williams / seth rogen movie "take this waltz"

i paused it so that i could masturbate even though there was nothing arousing

this is what kind of person have i become

i am so afraid of being honest

this seems like a much more crippling fear than fearing spiders, maybe

i only feel a little afraid around spiders 

i'm clicking around from video to video with no interest or intent

i click on titles like "petite teen loves cock" and "sassy college babe gets fucked"

i feel like i need to change my eating habits

i would rather be a good friend than be really famous

being famous seems really worthless

i feel really worthless

i ejaculate into a piece of toilet paper and flush it away