TWO POEMS

grown up

I.

on tuesday i went to scott's apartment

drinking wine and talking about books over the jazz softly playing in the kitchen

then we watched a film by ingmar bergman while smoking high quality marijuana

we drank scotch and i left at midnight, full

II.

on sunday morning at eleven i woke up on an air mattress to lexi, 19, telling me we would be going to brunch with her father in "ten minutes or so"

i thought to myself "fuck" and then "at least I shaved yesterday" and fantasized about eggs and coffee

afterwards we returned to her apartment, upon which we both took 1mg of xanax and smoked marijuana out of a cheap pipe 

we laid down on the air mattress and i felt her choking me tenderly

III.

last night james cooked dinner and i got a twelve pack of budweiser and a bottle of maker's mark

we drank the beer with our food, quickly and silently while watching "how i met your mother" on netflix

we took four shots, smoked two cigarettes, i read a book and he looked at the internet

i felt overwhelmed and was asleep on the couch before eleven

4.9 on a scale of 5

my father used to tell me "you always pay"

i think "maybe i am paying up front"

my father tells me "i am trying to crawl away from death"

i think "no one can out crawl death"

my mother tells me "your father asks about you every day" 

my father never calls me because he thinks i will not pick up

my father is depressed and he falls asleep during conversations

i am depressed and i don't have any conversations with anyone

i wish i had a bed that i could crawl into and never leave

I think "no one can out crawl bed" and laugh